Christmas again.

Wow... it is over a year and a half since I started to write this blog. And the Festive Season has come again, bringing all those old feelings of sadness and depression. These days are also being weird, but completely different than last year.

During the two last weeks I have come to feel exhausted, mentally exhausted. The life of a reincarnationist like me is quite tough as I was saying in my previous entries. I have been talking about suicide, discussing my theory on time and simultaneous lives with other people, answering questions of newbies almost every day, writing privately to those who didn’t find honesty elsewhere, arguing with people who put more value on old channeled information and NDE’s than people with verified past life memories... and finally, realizing all this stress is not doing any good to my mental health. The migraines started to be more frequent and intense, and I had to take a break.

While I am working so hard reading and writing, I forget about emotions simmering in my inside. I am beginning to think it is no more than a way to block past life mood. Katrina’s past life plays an important part in those emotions, as much as present life events that frustrate me and anger me. I hardly can quiet my mind, and when I do I don’t get clear memories, just a whirlwind of flashes and dark feelings that take me back to WWII. I can see myself as Katrina looking at the mirror, face so pale and young, and eyes so big but so lifeless. Hearing people pondering whether it was suicide or not feels kind of weird... as if I didn’t know what I was feeling and the intentions I had in mind. And then trying to convince someone that the notion of living lives simultaneously, implying you can change your past at any moment and so change your present, is preposterous, to say the least, just leaves me even more depressed and saddened. I should have learned by now that you can only talk about past lives with people who remember past lives. At least I am lucky enough to find also gentle and caring people who turn up just to say “Hey, I understand you”, help with the research and bring some calm to my restless soul.  

Last night I was trying to meditate and I was feeling like so many times before: past life emotions become so present. I can feel Katrina at the bottom of this dark pit, where she had fallen and couldn’t get out. And God knows I tried. I tried to climb, I called for help, I looked up at that bright little white circle at the top, getting ever smaller as my desperation grew, reaching for salvation, but no one came. And I couldn’t get out. All the fighting was useless, and that is what keeps affecting me today, what causes the anxiety and the lingering (though controlled) thoughts of self-destruction.

As I usually do with my other past life selves, I asked her what she wanted, what she needed, why her pain is so alive today, 73 years later. As always, I knew I just wanted a place to mourn... not for me, but for Johann. I didn’t have the time to do it. I don’t know where he was taken. I only can see his corpse wrapped in one of those filthy sacks or wherever they put the corpses. I wish I could have cried my eyes out as I was standing in front of the stretcher, after asking permission to do so, but there were people close, watching even then. It still feels so unreal. It seems I just can’t move on from that point. I recalled other past lives where I lost many of my loved ones: tombs where my wife and babe were buried, rag dolls I made with my own hands to remember my relatives, peaceful but unwanted partings... All were quite painful too, but they don’t bother me so much now, maybe because I could mourn for the people I had lost? I couldn’t do it properly in the case of Johann, I didn’t live long enough. Is that the reason my main desire is to find Johann’s grave, not mine? What would you want to do, Katrina?

And the answer always is: to say goodbye. Just that. And until the day I can do it, the stages of mourning will haunt me endlessly: denial, anger, bargaining, depression... and all over again. 

Related entries:

Christmas time.

   

Beliefs and facts (again).

Curiously, I was speaking about this in my Spanish blog just a few days ago. Not anything directly related to beliefs and facts, but I was saying the life of a hardcore reincarnationist like me is tough... quite tough. One of the reasons is you have to spend 99% of your time fighting against people with ridiculous beliefs. People who don’t remember past lives, have only fragments of a few past lives, haven’t researched reincarnation in deep, but want to convince everyone that you will suffer endless torture in dark places, surrounded by creatures that will feed of your energy during death and beyond, if you do something evil like... let’s say, committing suicide. This, in case someone doesn’t know, is comparable to being a murderer. So, yes, once more, imagining someone like Hitler having a wonderful life this time around, faraway from any kind of suffering, without being whipped or chained in a dark hole, or eaten by astral monsters, is just impossible for their little minds. Go figure.

The worst of it all is that they will ignore, misinterpret (with conscience), adapt, twist and even change what they read just to keep believing what they want to believe about the matter. Yes, this could be the following chapter to my two latest entries (one and two) where I talked about suicide. As everyone was expecting, the original poster insisted on his question, as he hadn’t received a proper answer before the thread was deleted. This second thread was full of nonsense, but for some strange reason this one hasn’t been deleted (so far). I replied again, not because I wasn’t bored of it all, but because I think people has the right to know... and also, because other people were trying to derail the thread, leaving the question unanswered again, or even worse, answering with personal beliefs and not facts. I just can’t take it.

Some reincarnation books were mentioned. I read those books decades ago, so I usually talk from memory. But then I searched in those books, and also did a quick research on the internet. I just couldn’t believe my eyes: everything is clear there. People who tried to commit suicide and lived an NDE say more or less the same thing than people who did commit suicide in a past life, were regressed and taken to the period between lives by Dr. Michael Newton: there’s not any kind of punishment on the other side. Suicide is not the best of choices, but love and compassion are there for you anyway. You are not forced to reincarnate quickly if you don’t want. Rather, you go to a place where you can be alone and reflect about what you did, and then, when you feel ready, you return to physical life. This is not a dark, damp, prison-like place somewhere in the spiritual world. It can be a bright, green, nice place, not different than any other place in “Heaven”, though quite dull and silent. There are no "critters” anywhere, torturing your soul or feeding on your bad energies, as someone else said. Almost everyone who knows a bit of this type of creatures (and I know a few), knows they are in the astral realm... and some of them even know how to handle them. Saying they follow you to your next life to keep feeding on the bad energies of evil people or suicide victims is one of the greatest nonsensical claims I have ever heard in all my years researching reincarnation (and believe me, I’ve heard many of them). 

The problem usually comes when someone who has experiences in “the spiritual realms” mixes those with their religious beliefs. I’ve seen it so many times, I’m quite tired of it. Not in vain most religions have been founded after an “enlightened guy” who could see astral entities and what have you started to claim he knew exactly what they were and what they were doing. If there are “spiritual guides” giving messages, it gets even worse, as everyone believes that they must be right if they are disincarnate. It’s almost as if you’re talking straight to God. And as you were “chosen” to be the recipient of those messages, you must be “divine” too. And this happens over and over and over again in the history of humanity... Everyone chooses what they want to believe, listens to the one they choose to believe, takes whatever facts they like and ignore the other two hundred different accounts, quotes the Bible because everyone knows everything there is true and well-thought, and everyone happy!   

Of course, I have my own beliefs. But mine are always changing and they are always constructed by everyone’s experiences, not just mine. I try not to interpret things. Facts are facts. People interpret all the time, so when you read something you always have to separate beliefs from facts. And if you achieve this, you find the Truth is really so simple, unique and singular. Unfortunately, many people still think they can manipulate the Truth and treat other human beings as if they are kids growing up. They still think they can control them through fear, lies and partial truths. They think that they can deceive a child that is looking for answers. They think they will make this child do what they want him to do, when most likely this child will know they are lying and despise their advice. They will lose his trust, he will keep looking for convincing answers elsewhere, and make his own choices anyway. Wrong or right, it doesn’t matter, we are here for that, to live and learn (if we want). It is so ironic: this is one of the most accepted views within the reincarnation world (that we are here to learn), but it seems some people haven’t got it yet. I wonder how many of them think they are old and wise, without realizing they are the kids instead, still clinging to stupid little childhood tales they just can’t forget. 

By the way, all this reminded me of just another of my struggles regarding the astral, "demonic entities" and sleep paralysis. Incredibly, many people still believe sleep paralysis is caused by beings like the one shown in the picture. The other day I read a quote from one of my favorite authors: "Graveyards are the maximum expression of our ignorance". In this case, we could say something similar: "Astral monsters are the maximum expression of our blindness". Most of the times those monsters are created by our thoughts and negative emotions, yes. Believing we can be controlled by them to the point of committing suicide or killing someone because they were whispering in our ears is blaming someone else for our misdeeds. The day we understand WE ALL ARE RESPONSIBLE OF OUR DECISIONS, maybe we will get rid of all those "monsters". The problem is in our minds, nowhere else. Now try to explain this out of here. I won't be doing it again, as then I do feel like killing myself... and never come back.   

Related entry:

Beliefs and facts.

UPDATE 7-DEC-15

Surprise, surprise. The second thread about suicide was also deleted. I don't know what happened after my post saying nothing happens when you commit suicide. I also put some links to interesting NDE accounts where people who attempted suicide describe how they reached a "heavenly place" and were halted by spiritual beings saying it wasn't their time and they must come back to go on with their lives. This is no different from any other NDE, but for some reason it scares the forum admins. I am so happy to have my own place to talk freely (a few of them really). As it may interest readers, this is just one of those links. There are hundreds of similar accounts. I also clarified what Michael Newton says in his books: he talks of "isolation places" for people who killed themselves. They are not dark places where you are chained and whipped for all eternity, like I said above. They are just normal places but you will be alone for a while, reflecting about what you did, until you understand you lost some good opportunities to grow (if this applies, of course).

And, just as I was saying about treating people as kids, now I have a private message from the OP saying he would like to talk to me. I bet he could perfectly discern who was being honest here and who was trying to deceive him with silly lies. He even tried to start a new thread which of course was also quickly deleted. What a waste of time.