I have noticed July is a weird month
for me in regards to reincarnation. I have commented on this before, probably
somewhere in this blog. Maybe this year the feeling is even stronger. Things
are going great for me at the moment. Three months ago, right after my accident
skating, I decided to start physical training six days a week, alternating
yoga and fitness routines. My main objective was to fully recover my left knee
and shoulder, but then I found I was absolutely loving it and I couldn’t stop.
I have lost three kilograms in three months and I am feeling stronger. I also
found some inspiring guys like Frank Medrano or Elena Malova who also follow a
vegan diet and so I have started to focus even more in the positive things in
life. In a way I feel like in my most recent past life during the Cold War,
when I decided to leave drugs behind and work for the American Army (now I
really hope I won’t die in some kind of crash). But at the same time... there
is this uneasiness deep inside, a restlessness whose origin is not clear.
My life as an active reincarnationist
is not fulfilling at all, that is no secret. As I have repeatedly said in
several places, remembering past lives is a lonely path. The forum and various
blogs I administer are running non-stop, growing each day. They keep me quite
busy and that is fine, but I miss the old times, especially the old times when
I first arrived to Military Past Lives and found my people. People who had gone through similar experiences to mine, people who at last could understand, who knew how to listen, people who
could teach me lots of things. It is quite funny to hear certain forum users (trolls)
say I am an egotistic person, when I am always searching for people who can
teach me new things. I am no leader. I was a warship captain in one of my past
lives and I still don’t know how I could do the job. Even when I created my
forum, my thought always was: “I don’t want this to be my forum, it is a forum for its members”. Circumstances, such as my
insatiable curiosity or my thirst for knowledge, have made me an expert in my
field. The Spanish-speaking countries are full of reincarnation beginners
who want answers, and yes, I am there to help and answer those questions. But I am
not a guru, I am just a reincarnationist who wants to find other
reincarnationists to talk in deep about past lives. Not the theory, not the
superficial talk that is all around the internet, but those things that really
matter to people who remember past lives: how to deal with them. I always like
to go beyond, and you just can’t do this with beginners.
So, here I stand, feeling restless,
feeling this inner turmoil that was already there when I started to remember
past lives, perhaps because we wouldn’t move if there were no inner turmoil
inside, something to drive you on in search of answers. But years go by, and
after all I have come to know, this inner turmoil is still here, only I don’t
know where it is going to take me now. I keep feeling this strong need to
express myself, to put into words all those past life emotions left abandoned
in some corner of my soul. But when it is time to write, I am blocked. I can
ramble for hours, but the important words will remain unsaid.
I am weary. Weary of hearing always
the same doubts, of having the same discussions with scientists who don’t even
bother to talk to us, of being added against my will to stupid Facebook groups about the
afterlife where only inaccurate and frivolous articles are posted. Weary of
finding (sometimes) great accounts, but being unable to shout it out loud, due
to the witness’s completely understandable fear of being ridiculed. Weary of
having to keep it all inside, as if remembering past lives were a dirty secret
that might get you institutionalized. Weary of a world where money is all that
matters. And to avoid more weariness, while I wait for more memories to arrive,
I spend my days doing things that make me feel good, like exercise... or listening
to music.
One of those precious gifts of life
came to me unexpectedly the other day, when I listened to a special radio
broadcast in which my elder brother participated. It was about the progressive
rock band Arena. I know almost all their discography, but this jewel had gone
unnoticed until now: it is called “Sirens”. And quite eerily (as always happens
with Arena), it perfectly describes my actual mood in relation to past lives. I
think it sums it all quite well: from the first whispers of your intuition, calling
you to start the journey, to the last moments when you are about to get smashed
into the rocks and you wonder why you paid any heed to those voices. Of course,
the storm in the middle is when you are dealing with the past life memories themselves,
engulfed in those strong emotions, fearing you will get drowned. It even
mentions the one I miss the most, the one I can’t stop calling but only rarely
comes: my spiritual guide and soulmate, the real culprit of all this inner
turmoil... or is he my siren... or, better said, my merman? His song is so tantalizing, and at the same time,
so deadly. Right now I am just drifting on the sea, wondering where the tide
will take me.
I love those moments when you just
have discovered a song and you just can’t stop hearing it, but you still don’t
know the melody and all the verses by heart, so it keeps surprising you and taking you higher and higher. It is pure magic.
SIRENS
Silently calling
I hear myself speak
My breath is in my hands
I cry out your name
Silently calling
I feel so at peace
And the time to surrender
is the time you will take a hold of me
What did you do when you woke today
What did you feel, were you sad or afraid
Searching your thoughts
for reasons or meanings
and the choices you made
Silently calling
in a field of dreams
where memories fade
They keep passing through
this soulless maze
What did you do when you woke today
What did you feel, were you sad or afraid
Searching your thoughts for hope or relief
Looking for safety in the falling leaves
Splinters of virtue
from splintering hearts
The door is always closed
as it was from the start
Masters of freedom
Masters of light
Will you ever let me go
Take away this second sight
What did you do when you woke today
What did you feel, were you sad or afraid
Searching your thoughts
for warnings and traps
Nothing in your life will be the same!
Hanging to the sail
Caught behind the storm
Wait for the waves to come
Know the fear
Hide behind your smile
Crying for mercy
Hanging to the mast
Caught behind the storm
Wait for the sea to foam
Climb... Climb... Climb up to me
Hanging to the sail
Far beyond the storm
Lightning across the sky
Catch the rope
Cling to hope
Watch as our lives flash by
Hanging to the mast
Beyond the storm
Saltwater burning
Shield your face from whiplash sprays
Hold your breath and
Neptune will make his next move
Hanging to the rail
Caught within the storm
Watch for the jagged land
Follow a line
From another time
Washed up on stone and sand
Grab the mast
Caught within the storm
Reach for a helping hand
We could share this calm experience now
In shadows I can see light
I whisper your name
But it’s lost in the night
Watching reflections of my own solitude
Heartfelt indifference
towards actions and truths
in shadows I can see light
I whisper your name
in the night
Spare me from those sirens’ lies
Spare me from this grand illusion
Spare me from those weeping eyes
and promises of absolution
Shall I stand without defence
Now that death is all around me
Did you hope for my surrender
leaving me to die on the
bloodstained ground
It’s only a lifetime
where heroes need heroic deeds
It’s only a lifetime
where children dream of breaking free
Follow the cause
Follow the signs
Drawn by a song to our own demise
It’s only a lifetime
dragged across the rocks
by the sirens’ whisper!
