Time and space.

One of the prefabricated notions I’ve had to hear over and over again since I started my reincarnation journey is:

Time is an illusion.

During that journey I’ve come to the conclusion this isn’t true. Time will always exist wherever we are, because there will always be a present and a future, even when time might elapse differently in the spiritual world. When I was developing my Ultimate Theory I realized that time is not the real problem, it’s space.

Space is the illusion.

I know this is much harder to grasp, as time is intangible per se. It’s more a philosophical concept than an objective reality, no matter how many clocks we have invented to measure something that changes depending on our situation and the speed at which we are moving. On the contrary, “space” is something solid. We can touch the ground, the walls, we’re sitting on a chair and thanks to it we don’t fall into the abyss. We have to walk, run or ride a vehicle to move from point A to point B. It’s hard to imagine space is an illusion too, and we tend to believe only what we can see. However, at the same time, we keep going to more subtle “spaces” when we go to sleep. Yes, I mean physically, not in our minds or in our dreams. This is a reality, but surprisingly 99% of the world population lives completely ignorant to it.

Well, I was watching a Spanish TV series called El Ministerio del Tiempo, where public servants from all eras work to prevent history from changing. They move from one era to another through secret time doors. If something changes in the past, the future will also change, sometimes in quite a drastic way.

Obviously, a reincarnationist like me feels very identified with the characters’ feelings. The longing for your era, the things you miss when you’re in the future, the ideals for which you fought that are no longer there... At the same time I was thinking of a distant friend with whom I once shared a few past lives. This time we share the time period but we are too faraway. I thought of all those things I miss due to this situation. Space keeps us separated, but when I can perceive certain things that then turn out to be true, I wonder once again if space is just an illusion. Both of us are reincarnationists and know pretty well what remembering past lives means. We think so much about time... we can feel the past so present, so close at hand. We can feel so strongly that we are just the same we were all those years ago... You might not recognize them physically but you recognize the energy, the emotions, the tough memories, the beloved vision of a father, the love. It’s all there as if you can peek through a window and watch the past scene... as if you go through one of those time doors and you’re back with them. It doesn’t seem so, but it happens the same with space. I’m beginning to realize we underestimate so much the connections we have with others. I’m also find it harder to bear than a longing for the past, but there’s not much of a difference between time and space. It’s just the distance. It’s not so much time or space, it’s believing we are far apart from what you were, what you had, or your loved ones (old and new), when in reality we are joined forever. And the link is love. Pure love.  

Separateness is the illusion.

But hardest of all is knowing. Knowing that separateness is an illusion, and also knowing that while you know, everyone will keep being victims of the illusion. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Reincarnationists often complain about how lonely we feel, about how so few people remember past lives. We think it’s natural. Time makes us forget. But I guess space is even worse. It’s solid so it’s impossible to go through it. We tend to think it’s no use to worry for the ones that are in distant places. They can’t see us, they can’t hear our thoughts, they can’t feel what we feel. But what if all those barriers were only in our minds?

I can’t forget about my past. It’s here because time is nothing. That, I know now. But there’s more to it than that, it would seem. Space is nothing as well. Here and there are the same, my physical senses keep deceiving me, but I know now, so I can only act accordingly.

And like one of those characters in El Ministerio del Tiempo, I only have a possible course of action:      

“It is a point of honor. I am a soldier, and I never, ever, leave a brother in arms behind.”

Only, the battle is life. And death. And everything that is in-between. 

Relationships from the past.

Quite a complicated subject. And my experience is short… but all I can say, at least so far, is: “It sucks”. Completely.

There are a few people in my current life I’ve recognized in some of my past lives. The problem is I lost contact with most of them, I never knew them enough to ask them about their beliefs in reincarnation, and even when they were open to it, it’s likely they wouldn’t remember, so… what’s the point in telling them they were such and such, and this is what happened between us, and this is why I felt like that and you acted so strange when I was near? I can tell them any tale I can imagine, as we’re friends they won’t say to me I’m crazy but silently they’ll wonder about my sanity… So, even if I met some of these people again and I was bold enough to tell them, I’m afraid it all would end up quite bad.

There’s someone I suspect she was my girlfriend in my most recent life. She’s still one of my best friends and we use to meet twice or thrice in a year. She even knows I’m quite deep into reincarnation now. But years ago she (I’ll call her G) almost lost another common friend (L) because this friend started to mention “weird” things about having met G’s brother in a past life. I don’t know the details, I don’t even know what the reasons were L was making such a claim, if she had some intuitions or it was something else (I don’t think so, we all liked paranormal topics, but we never knew much about reincarnation), but it was quite sad and horrible. And strange… So, I just can’t go now and tell G I suspect she was my girlfriend in a past life. We get along and there are no problems between us, so I don’t see the point.

But then there’s another case. When someone is open to reincarnation and does have memories, you may think “Hey, that’s great, we may find common lives and share some memories, that’s great for validations”. Yes, it is… when it happens. When it doesn’t happen, it’s just as frustrating (or more) as the former cases. The connection I have with this person is just amazing… even overwhelming sometimes, very close to “really paranormal”, as I sense I almost can think what she thinks or feel what she feels/felt in other lives. The problem is she doesn’t seem to be as intuitive as I am, and though we get along, with the exception of some minor arguments or misunderstandings (our relationship is exclusively online), I feel she just can’t understand why I tell her certain things sometimes, or why she reacts in certain ways other times… A long time ago I had memories of a few past lives with her, but recently I’m having more, and while for me it’s all so clear, it keeps being so hard to explain to her all this, and find the right words to help her without making her feel uncomfortable. Besides, I keep wondering why I remember: is it me who has to understand something? Is it only for me to understand how I feel for her? Is it for me to know the best way to help her? I don’t feel she trusts me enough… but that happened in the past too. Did I remember because I feel the same way I felt back then? Eventually I know I could accomplish great things with her in that life, but can I do it again in this life? Do I have even the right to do so? She’s been very important to me too, but maybe I’m not that important for her, and that’s alright, I’ve always known soulmates are bound to play different roles in each life, and relationships with them are rarely perfect. I'm aware what is past is past, and it's over and it doesn't have to be the same again, but the emotions linger... the emotions are so similar it's just unbelievable. Have we met again so that I can help her, or is it all accidental? Did I something wrong and now we have to sort out unresolved issues? I don’t feel this is the case, but if she doesn’t feel alright having me around, maybe I’m wrong…

Anyway, this is so weird sometimes. I have to smile when someone tells me: “Why don’t you want to have kids? That’s the best human experience you’re going to have…” I’ve never wanted kids, and there have been times in my life when I was really annoyed when I was told that. Then I found out why I don’t want to have kids. And I learned to calm down and just answer politely “I just don’t like them. I want to have my own life”, or something in the style. People rarely tell you the real truth behind having kids: you have more problems and less time for yourself, how fun! Of course, my reasons go much deeper than that: some died being too young, most of them I didn’t live enough to see them grow up, others I abandoned when I couldn’t raise them properly due to personal problems with justice… One who made it to adulthood, was decapitated in front of my eyes, seconds before being decapitated myself. And there’s only one I’ve met in my present life (as far as I know). So, nowadays, if someone asked me the same question, I’d say “Well, I don’t need to have kids, I already have one… from another life” (and then cross fingers I won't be sent to the Lunatic Asylum). This isn’t true, of course, I don’t “own” anyone and that’s never been my desire, but it’s funny how without being a parent I feel so many “paternal instincts” I didn’t even know I had. Now I understand my own father more than ever, and I see how hard it is to live faraway from your kids, and now I can talk about a love that never goes away, and a pride I’ve never felt for anyone before. It’s so, so weird… but that’s what remembering past lives has given me, and I’m truly grateful for that, even when coping with it is hard sometimes.