Reincarnation & past life songs.

It’s been a while since I’ve wanted to do something like this, and now that we’re on a Sunday, I’m not in the mood for a serious talk about anything, and I feel I’ve already turned the page concerning my latest posts, probably today is a good day to start.

Music is one of the greatest triggers to remember past lives. Sometimes it’s the music itself the one that brings you back straight to the past: it can be a military march, the sound of drums, a popular song, an opera. Other times it’s the emotions that music and lyrics cause in you. In my case, old music usually provokes me bad feelings: for example, opera always makes me nervous, I’ve hated it ever since I can remember. I suspect this comes from my WWII life. I remember a gramophone my boss had in the apartment where I worked as a housemaid, though I think the bad feelings come because that kind of music was quite common in that era and I don’t like to remember. But for me, the greatest triggers have been from modern songs with specific lyrics that bring past life emotions. Before I started to remember past lives, I already knew the band Arena and I had even attended a live concert, but I wasn’t a big fan. Some years later I began to delve into their music and discovered a jewel. I regretted I had not done so earlier. Coincidentally, when this happened, I was having my first past life memories, and their music has closely accompanied me ever since. Sometimes the synchronicities have been even a bit weird. For instance, one of his latest songs included a mention to Pandoras’s Box, the title of my reincarnation book. I just love them, because they talk a lot about death... and often you would say they also talk about reincarnation.

Today’s song reflects perfectly the stage I’m in regarding my past life journey. It feels like I’m leaving behind a wonderful introspection time where I discovered the real nature of human beings. This means I had to get through a lot of pain and darkness in my own past lives, things that are not easy to acknowledge and accept. But at the end you realize it was worth the effort. Pieces of the song remind me of certain past life events, other pieces make me picture myself exactly like they describe: someone who has gone a long and dark path and still feels so astounded by everything he encountered in that path.

HOW DID IT COME TO THIS?

Something now, is something that will always be

           This is far beyond some earthbound human plan

    In this universe we’re merely specks of sand

Nothing more than man

Tell me - How did it come to this?

What we do, may light an unexpected fuse

Every left or right may lead to consequences

If the butterfly should flap its wings

If an angel sings

Tell me - How did it come to this?

Tell me - How did it come to this?

Once a child, I tried to hold eternity

Take a leap of faith and never fear the fall

But as I floated to those distant shores

I would hit the wall

How could I believe...

There was something on the other side of it all

More than any man could truly understand

More than I could comprehend

So how did it come to this?

Honestly, I never thought I’d seek adventure in my life

Never thought that I would walk so dark a road

In this universe we’re merely specks of sand

Nothing more than man

Honestly, I never thought I’d reach such judgement in my life

never thought that I would fall upon this road

And if the butterfly should flap its wings

If an angel sings

So how did it come to this?

How did it come to this? 

I always say one thing is believing in reincarnation, and a very different thing is remembering past lives and be certain of the reality of reincarnation. It doesn’t matter how many times you say this, someone who doesn’t have the same experience won’t ever understand. This verse always makes me think about this transcendental question:  

How could I believe...

There was something on the other side of it all

More than any man could truly understand

More than I could comprehend

Once you remember and verify your own past lives, you pass through this stage of “bewilderment”, when you think: “Wow, so... is reincarnation true?” You also understand how past lives can affect you and others, how your decisions are all that matters in this game. You understand (at least you try, and probably are closer than others to do so) what life really is.   

Never thought that I would walk so dark a road

This sentence here always reminds me of my shadow, how I could have never imagined all the things I did in my past. It’s one of those things about which I often have to remain silent, as nearly no one would understand. Newbies and skeptics love to theorize about the possibility many people just “imagine” their past lives, or it’s all wishful thinking. Yes. It would seem many of us love to relive again and again how we were imprisoned and hanged in our past lives, or how our loved ones were murdered right before our eyes. And yet, I’m pretty sure that without those dark events happening in our lives, we wouldn’t come to appreciate peace, justice, love or other beautiful things on Earth.

So, how did it come to this?

This is quite similar to one question I always ask myself and would like to ask many people I’ve met along my journey: What were you thinking? Life is complicated. You can set off with best intentions, you can even think you’re doing the right things or being as fair as possible, but sometimes things just turn wrong at some point. And though people in general always tend to blame others and find lots of excuses for their doings, the truth is that in most cases, our actions are the only ones to blame. The good news is we always have a second chance (and many more).

Related posts:
Music and resonance.
Suicide (The Great Escape).

Signs of narrow-mindedness and my lack of patience.

Yes, I acknowledge I am guilty of this situation. One of my greatest defects is that I always have hope in people. I tend to think I am the one that is wrong. But sometimes life brings you a surprise.

I really thought it was a good idea to take the course “Signs of Reincarnation” offered by James Matlock in the Facebook group of the same name. I have already talked about him in this blog, though I didn’t give his name back then. Now I do. Well, the reason to take the course was mainly that I always want to know more. I read everything I can about the subject, no matter the source. I thought someone who supposedly has been researching reincarnation for decades could show me something I don’t know. I didn’t see it was a course for newbies anywhere, I thought it was a place to discuss reincarnation in a serious and rational way. How could I imagine I would only find they are making reincarnation a pseudoscience?

And no, it wasn’t planned at all. I am not a troll. I was ready to listen and share my own experience, one I consider quite exceptional. I respect the opinions and experiences of others. But I admit there are a few things I can’t stand: prejudice, preconceptions, rigidity, ignorance, arrogance, and people believing someone is more knowledgeable than you just because he’s older or has published some papers that don’t contribute anything new to the scene. Maybe I am always facing the same issue: I hate sheep-like behavior.  

I know. It is my fault. I should have known better: I have been in that Facebook group for over a year now, and it easy to see where the weaknesses lie. It is a place where only the works of Ian Stevenson matter. The rest is considered little more than rubbish. I thought it was a scientific group. Indeed: they are a bunch of old orthodox “scientists” who will never admit they might be wrong. They won’t look any further than their own navels. It is O.K., you can agree more or less with authors like Michael Newton, but you just can’t ignore him, especially when you are speaking of children’s memories of the time between lives and NDE’s. You can’t throw so much work done with regression techniques to the bin just because, according to Stevenson’s work, those memories are hard to verify (point that, simply, is not true). You just can’t talk as if the only truth is in the statistics obtained through his research. In sum, you just can’t watch the whole world from the high pedestal of your position, degrading the work of many other researches and experiencers who have a different opinion.   

I tried to make a few observations about how biased I felt Matlock’s conclusions were. It is just unbelievable how they talk about the time between incarnations as if it was edged in stone. They give statistics as if they were ultimate facts, not even considering the likely possibility that someone doesn’t remember a life in-between. They never cease to recite over and over again that most children forget when they grow older, without even considering the accounts of adults who claim they already had signs during childhood. Can we know for certain, when most people are not even aware of those signs of reincarnation or discard past life dreams thinking they are just fantasy? It is just funny to see how many statistics are done when you don’t have enough data or the sample is limited to a couple of countries. Yes, it is something, but you just can’t assume you know or even understand how reincarnation works, especially when you don’t have past life memories of your own.

It is so, so funny, to see people judging the quality of past life memories when they don’t even know how they feel, when they don’t even know the difference between flashes in the waking state and visions in the meditative state. Or when they don’t even know what a self-regression is. I explained. I told them about the past lives I remember and how I verified some of them. And were they interested in hearing more? No, the “researcher” seemed only interested in pointing out my misunderstandings, and students only in fighting with poor arguments when I said the belief in karma is inversely proportional to the number of past lives you remember and how "evil" you were in them. They doubt my statements, but they don’t doubt silly statistics done mostly in resolved children’s cases. I asked how can you determine if an adult memory is impoverished or contains distortions in relation to children’s memories, when most of the times those memories are unverifiable. Is it every event of a person’s life recorded in history? According to certain people, yes, and if it doesn’t and you can’t verify it, your memory is wrong. Great. And as you can’t verify it, all your “case” is rubbish and they won’t even bother to ask you about your story. And the worst of it all is they call themselves researchers.

I admit I lack patience these days. Yes, I have come too far in my journey. I have been investigating phenomena related to the survival of consciousness since I was 12. In the last four years I have had intense and personal experience equivalent to several decades of introspection work an average person could have done. The articles in the course were nothing new for me, with a few exceptions about possession cases. The scientific knowledge of the lecturer is conspicuous of its absence, clinging to old terms like unconscious mind or stream of consciousness as if you are saying something with that. Instead of clarifying things, he only brings more confusion talking of juridical karma and dispositional karma. The word karma should be the one to throw into the garbage, not adults’ memories or regression techniques. Quite fed up, I decided to leave.

What a surprise, the next morning I read a new article from the course, and here is what researcher Scott Drogo said in 1991:

“This paper has focused on types of reincarnation experiences usually bypassed by researchers. As already pointed out, traditional reincarnational research within parapsychology has centred on the reports of children who exhibit generally cohesive recollections of their (alleged) previous experiences. To some extent, the successful results of that research have created a bias in some investigators to play down competing research paradigms. A student of contemporary reincarnation research [James Matlock] has stated that ‘arguably, the only evidence for reincarnation worth considering today is that advanced by Ian Stevenson’, which focuses on childhood cases —the reason being the thoroughness of the psychiatrist’s case studies.”

State of Consciousness Factors in Reincarnation Cases.

Dear me! I am not the only one who has noticed... I hardly could believe my eyes. But, here we are, over 25 years later, and the bias is still there. If things haven’t changed, I don’t think they will ever change. What am I doing wasting my time, trying to be heard and bring some sense to current reincarnation research? Adults are mostly ridiculed or aren’t paid enough attention, just because, they say, there are frauds and cryptomnesia is harder to rule out, or because their memories are “impoverished” and can’t be easily verified. I just wonder where we would be if that same reasoning had been applied to NDE research, where their accounts can hardly be verified, unless they had an OBE and could see what was happening in the operation room or the hospital. 

Reincarnation “academic” researchers, as they call themselves, think they are doing a great job, and I only see what they are doing is closer to pseudoscience. Coincidentally, a member of my forum posted an article about it, and many of the symptoms were there. Not that I hadn’t seen them before, but this was a better confirmation. We are in the initial stages of the research. The first step in the scientific method is OBSERVATION, so you just can’t afford to dismiss those accounts you don’t like, for whatever reason. A biased sampling will only take you to a biased result. I tried to explain this too. Of course, I was utterly ignored.

At this point, I thought it was hopeless to keep trying. What was I doing there, involved in the same old silly discussions I have with newbies day after day, like “I’m afraid reincarnation would mean the loss of your individuality”, or the tiring “I can’t imagine a world where bad actions are not compensated in the next lives”? I offer my experience, my knowledge, my techniques. It is all in my book. But did they bother to ask? Not a single question (except someone who showed her own mental blocks to try self-hypnosis).

I can’t get over my amazement.

I think it is time to move on. Something I should have done a while ago. 

Please God save us all and send us new reincarnation researchers. Not academic ones. I want people who know what they are doing and have direct experience. God please.

Charlatans everywhere.

I am on the brink of killing myself, of retiring from the reincarnation world, of... of something. I hardly can stand it anymore. Even when people often tell me I am a very patient person, I often feel I am losing it all, my patience, I mean, and also my sanity. It is already quite hard to deal with newbies, but when it is the people with some experience, or those who supposedly should know something, who get in my nerves, because they clearly show they have no idea of what they are talking about... I just can do one thing: laugh or die. It is sad, as not long ago my opinion of them was much better. But this happens to me quite frequently too. I learn so much and so quick that I soon surpass them, I need new horizons to reach, and while I evolve and advance, you see how they stand behind, still thinking, still confused, and clinging to the beliefs they have constructed for themselves, and even more curiously, plainly ignoring the facts that contradict those beliefs.

One of the first things I learnt when I started out in this path, is that the risk of believing you know it all is there. It is not a coincidence that so many spiritual gurus proliferate and get rich thanks to the ignorance and innocence of the followers. Most people don’t trust themselves and they are always seeking answers outside. And then you have all those who do trust, but think knowledge comes from a 15 week course with one of those gurus who don’t even have experience of their own but think they can give lessons about it. These people who think they become experts just because they followed a guru for some time or worked closely with him, are so blinded that it is hard to reason with them. And if the guru calls himself “scientist” instead, the effect is even stronger, as for most rational people, Science is the new religion and all scientists are their new gods. But, when you have real knowledge, you only need a few minutes to talk with some of them, to realize they have nothing to teach.  

  This is the scenario I have to witness every day of my life:

• People with very little experience building beliefs with no basis that end up becoming another religion.
• People confused by their own experiences, who don’t know how to interpret them, but are always quick to jump to conclusions and spread myths like “time is simultaneous”, one that really annoys me, because there are FACTS that contradict this hypothesis.
• People that are easily dazzled by what the so-called “experts” say, experts that the only thing they have done is reading other people’s works and write boring papers to be read by other “experts”. They aren’t in touch with real experiencers (of if they have the chance, they easily miss it by telling them it is likely their memories are rubbish), but they love to give lectures and talk with complicated words, probably to give the impression they know something.
• People who started with good intentions but ended up yielding to the admiration of the rest of people who look for answers outside of themselves and are famous for writing more and more books that all say the same.
• People who are the only ones who can talk about reincarnation with some authority, but stay behind (willingly) and are just ignored, even despised, bu those who love to judge from the outside.

I am different because I am an experiencer AND I am also a scientist, with a wide knowledge of parapsychology. No, I am not talking of watching one or two TV shows about ghosts hunters. I talk of being in touch and learning from journalists who have been researching subjects related to parapsychology all their lives, some of them quite skeptical, others with direct experience with instrumental transcommunication, and also serious sensitive people who really know what extrasensorial perception is.

The saddest part of all this is this is how internet works today. Anyone could say I am just another of these charlatans, but only I know that is not the truth. I have lost count of all the books, magazines, articles and personal testimonies I have read along my life, not only about paranormal subjects, but also about scientific ones, thanks to my profession. One might think that is not important, but it is. I often say I know nothing, only to realize minutes later that, despite the fact I know nothing, I know quite more than the so-called researchers that give courses about reincarnation and brag about their theory to explain reincarnation, as if they are doing something the rest of us haven’t done already. 

So, it is fun, in a way, to be witness of how the blind lead the blind, day after day. How misconceptions spread like viruses even among those communities that supposedly are “serious and scientific”, where retrocognition is mistaken for past life memories, and there are people saying “U-huh” to other people who clearly don’t have enough experience and mental control to tell the difference. It is fun to see people talking about OBE’s when they haven’t ever attempted to astral travel consciously. It is fun seeing people wondering about how you can tell someone is lying about their past life memories when they don’t even know how they feel. It is fun... though it still kills me inside.

But I guess there is nothing I can do about it. If I talk, I only get exaggerated reactions, sometimes because people don’t like their beliefs to be challenged, other times because they think you are like them, someone who has just “an opinion” or talks from one casual reading on the internet. And so they fight and never listen. They don’t value your work because undoubtedly they think they are much better than you, because you don’t offer courses for 300 bucks or because no one interviews you in prime time. Or they even think they can criticize what you have written, without even reading it. That is the funniest thing of them all. I am starting to feel more and more like Jaqen H’ghar: it is better to be NO ONE and keep my sanity than to engage in arguments I know I can't win. 

"The faces are for no one. You are still someone. And for someone, the faces are as good as poison".

No wonder secret societies have existed through all human history. It is hard to keep quiet, be humble and just let everyone belief what they want, even when you know they are wrong. There are certain things that best remain unspoken and occult for non-acolytes. Who wants to waste so much time trying to explain? Who wants to be witness of so much stupidity and nonsensical claims? Who wants to see how the masses are absorbed by the apparent wisdom of ignorant but clever masters? Has anything changed? Is something ever going to change? I doubt it.

So, once more, as I once wrote in this blog: you just can sit down and watch the madness reign. That is my condemnation. 

Christmas again.

Wow... it is over a year and a half since I started to write this blog. And the Festive Season has come again, bringing all those old feelings of sadness and depression. These days are also being weird, but completely different than last year.

During the two last weeks I have come to feel exhausted, mentally exhausted. The life of a reincarnationist like me is quite tough as I was saying in my previous entries. I have been talking about suicide, discussing my theory on time and simultaneous lives with other people, answering questions of newbies almost every day, writing privately to those who didn’t find honesty elsewhere, arguing with people who put more value on old channeled information and NDE’s than people with verified past life memories... and finally, realizing all this stress is not doing any good to my mental health. The migraines started to be more frequent and intense, and I had to take a break.

While I am working so hard reading and writing, I forget about emotions simmering in my inside. I am beginning to think it is no more than a way to block past life mood. Katrina’s past life plays an important part in those emotions, as much as present life events that frustrate me and anger me. I hardly can quiet my mind, and when I do I don’t get clear memories, just a whirlwind of flashes and dark feelings that take me back to WWII. I can see myself as Katrina looking at the mirror, face so pale and young, and eyes so big but so lifeless. Hearing people pondering whether it was suicide or not feels kind of weird... as if I didn’t know what I was feeling and the intentions I had in mind. And then trying to convince someone that the notion of living lives simultaneously, implying you can change your past at any moment and so change your present, is preposterous, to say the least, just leaves me even more depressed and saddened. I should have learned by now that you can only talk about past lives with people who remember past lives. At least I am lucky enough to find also gentle and caring people who turn up just to say “Hey, I understand you”, help with the research and bring some calm to my restless soul.  

Last night I was trying to meditate and I was feeling like so many times before: past life emotions become so present. I can feel Katrina at the bottom of this dark pit, where she had fallen and couldn’t get out. And God knows I tried. I tried to climb, I called for help, I looked up at that bright little white circle at the top, getting ever smaller as my desperation grew, reaching for salvation, but no one came. And I couldn’t get out. All the fighting was useless, and that is what keeps affecting me today, what causes the anxiety and the lingering (though controlled) thoughts of self-destruction.

As I usually do with my other past life selves, I asked her what she wanted, what she needed, why her pain is so alive today, 73 years later. As always, I knew I just wanted a place to mourn... not for me, but for Johann. I didn’t have the time to do it. I don’t know where he was taken. I only can see his corpse wrapped in one of those filthy sacks or wherever they put the corpses. I wish I could have cried my eyes out as I was standing in front of the stretcher, after asking permission to do so, but there were people close, watching even then. It still feels so unreal. It seems I just can’t move on from that point. I recalled other past lives where I lost many of my loved ones: tombs where my wife and babe were buried, rag dolls I made with my own hands to remember my relatives, peaceful but unwanted partings... All were quite painful too, but they don’t bother me so much now, maybe because I could mourn for the people I had lost? I couldn’t do it properly in the case of Johann, I didn’t live long enough. Is that the reason my main desire is to find Johann’s grave, not mine? What would you want to do, Katrina?

And the answer always is: to say goodbye. Just that. And until the day I can do it, the stages of mourning will haunt me endlessly: denial, anger, bargaining, depression... and all over again. 

Related entries:

Christmas time.

   

Beliefs and facts (again).

Curiously, I was speaking about this in my Spanish blog just a few days ago. Not anything directly related to beliefs and facts, but I was saying the life of a hardcore reincarnationist like me is tough... quite tough. One of the reasons is you have to spend 99% of your time fighting against people with ridiculous beliefs. People who don’t remember past lives, have only fragments of a few past lives, haven’t researched reincarnation in deep, but want to convince everyone that you will suffer endless torture in dark places, surrounded by creatures that will feed of your energy during death and beyond, if you do something evil like... let’s say, committing suicide. This, in case someone doesn’t know, is comparable to being a murderer. So, yes, once more, imagining someone like Hitler having a wonderful life this time around, faraway from any kind of suffering, without being whipped or chained in a dark hole, or eaten by astral monsters, is just impossible for their little minds. Go figure.

The worst of it all is that they will ignore, misinterpret (with conscience), adapt, twist and even change what they read just to keep believing what they want to believe about the matter. Yes, this could be the following chapter to my two latest entries (one and two) where I talked about suicide. As everyone was expecting, the original poster insisted on his question, as he hadn’t received a proper answer before the thread was deleted. This second thread was full of nonsense, but for some strange reason this one hasn’t been deleted (so far). I replied again, not because I wasn’t bored of it all, but because I think people has the right to know... and also, because other people were trying to derail the thread, leaving the question unanswered again, or even worse, answering with personal beliefs and not facts. I just can’t take it.

Some reincarnation books were mentioned. I read those books decades ago, so I usually talk from memory. But then I searched in those books, and also did a quick research on the internet. I just couldn’t believe my eyes: everything is clear there. People who tried to commit suicide and lived an NDE say more or less the same thing than people who did commit suicide in a past life, were regressed and taken to the period between lives by Dr. Michael Newton: there’s not any kind of punishment on the other side. Suicide is not the best of choices, but love and compassion are there for you anyway. You are not forced to reincarnate quickly if you don’t want. Rather, you go to a place where you can be alone and reflect about what you did, and then, when you feel ready, you return to physical life. This is not a dark, damp, prison-like place somewhere in the spiritual world. It can be a bright, green, nice place, not different than any other place in “Heaven”, though quite dull and silent. There are no "critters” anywhere, torturing your soul or feeding on your bad energies, as someone else said. Almost everyone who knows a bit of this type of creatures (and I know a few), knows they are in the astral realm... and some of them even know how to handle them. Saying they follow you to your next life to keep feeding on the bad energies of evil people or suicide victims is one of the greatest nonsensical claims I have ever heard in all my years researching reincarnation (and believe me, I’ve heard many of them). 

The problem usually comes when someone who has experiences in “the spiritual realms” mixes those with their religious beliefs. I’ve seen it so many times, I’m quite tired of it. Not in vain most religions have been founded after an “enlightened guy” who could see astral entities and what have you started to claim he knew exactly what they were and what they were doing. If there are “spiritual guides” giving messages, it gets even worse, as everyone believes that they must be right if they are disincarnate. It’s almost as if you’re talking straight to God. And as you were “chosen” to be the recipient of those messages, you must be “divine” too. And this happens over and over and over again in the history of humanity... Everyone chooses what they want to believe, listens to the one they choose to believe, takes whatever facts they like and ignore the other two hundred different accounts, quotes the Bible because everyone knows everything there is true and well-thought, and everyone happy!   

Of course, I have my own beliefs. But mine are always changing and they are always constructed by everyone’s experiences, not just mine. I try not to interpret things. Facts are facts. People interpret all the time, so when you read something you always have to separate beliefs from facts. And if you achieve this, you find the Truth is really so simple, unique and singular. Unfortunately, many people still think they can manipulate the Truth and treat other human beings as if they are kids growing up. They still think they can control them through fear, lies and partial truths. They think that they can deceive a child that is looking for answers. They think they will make this child do what they want him to do, when most likely this child will know they are lying and despise their advice. They will lose his trust, he will keep looking for convincing answers elsewhere, and make his own choices anyway. Wrong or right, it doesn’t matter, we are here for that, to live and learn (if we want). It is so ironic: this is one of the most accepted views within the reincarnation world (that we are here to learn), but it seems some people haven’t got it yet. I wonder how many of them think they are old and wise, without realizing they are the kids instead, still clinging to stupid little childhood tales they just can’t forget. 

By the way, all this reminded me of just another of my struggles regarding the astral, "demonic entities" and sleep paralysis. Incredibly, many people still believe sleep paralysis is caused by beings like the one shown in the picture. The other day I read a quote from one of my favorite authors: "Graveyards are the maximum expression of our ignorance". In this case, we could say something similar: "Astral monsters are the maximum expression of our blindness". Most of the times those monsters are created by our thoughts and negative emotions, yes. Believing we can be controlled by them to the point of committing suicide or killing someone because they were whispering in our ears is blaming someone else for our misdeeds. The day we understand WE ALL ARE RESPONSIBLE OF OUR DECISIONS, maybe we will get rid of all those "monsters". The problem is in our minds, nowhere else. Now try to explain this out of here. I won't be doing it again, as then I do feel like killing myself... and never come back.   

Related entry:

Beliefs and facts.

UPDATE 7-DEC-15

Surprise, surprise. The second thread about suicide was also deleted. I don't know what happened after my post saying nothing happens when you commit suicide. I also put some links to interesting NDE accounts where people who attempted suicide describe how they reached a "heavenly place" and were halted by spiritual beings saying it wasn't their time and they must come back to go on with their lives. This is no different from any other NDE, but for some reason it scares the forum admins. I am so happy to have my own place to talk freely (a few of them really). As it may interest readers, this is just one of those links. There are hundreds of similar accounts. I also clarified what Michael Newton says in his books: he talks of "isolation places" for people who killed themselves. They are not dark places where you are chained and whipped for all eternity, like I said above. They are just normal places but you will be alone for a while, reflecting about what you did, until you understand you lost some good opportunities to grow (if this applies, of course).

And, just as I was saying about treating people as kids, now I have a private message from the OP saying he would like to talk to me. I bet he could perfectly discern who was being honest here and who was trying to deceive him with silly lies. He even tried to start a new thread which of course was also quickly deleted. What a waste of time. 

More on suicide...

It seems I just can’t stop now that I have started. I think it’s because I feel there are many things that need to be said. I can’t remain silent.

This morning I posted this (with some minor modifications) in one of the forums I frequent:

The recent deleted conversation about suicide in the forum Child Past Lives, and most likely, the time of the year, seem to have triggered some memories/feelings in me related to my last days on Earth during my WWII life.

I barely remember what I have written before in regards to the cause of my suicide, but I think the answers are always the same: I had lost everything, I was utterly alone and I didn't want to live anymore. Is that so hard to understand?

First of all, was it a suicide or not? I've always wondered about this question myself, to be honest, and I've always come to the conclusion it was, no matter who pulled the trigger. Like I told one of the forum members in response to his comment, I'd call it "assisted suicide", but a suicide nonetheless, only the soldier didn't know he was doing me a favor. But no, I know what I did. As someone else said, intent matters... yes, of course it matters.

I also wonder about the resistance and the fear people in general have to talk about suicide. I've observed this fear is more common among people who don't have clear and verified memories of past lives and what happens after death. I guess the reason is they are still afraid of death, and so they are still afraid of living and letting everyone make their choices. Right or wrong, you just can't learn if you don't act. And we all are responsible of our actions and decisions, and of course of the consequences. Death is bad... yes, especially for those staying alive. For dead people, it's just rest and peace. But for some reason they all want us to keep suffering in the afterlife, being judged by "the Elders" or thrown to the darkest pits of the astral (commonly known as Hell).

Well, it seems there are many reasons to commit suicide. I don't know of others, but I think my suicide would fit in the category of "act of rebellion". My WWII life was mainly a life where I couldn't control anything. My mum didn't give a damn about me or my feelings. When my grandparents died she sent me to work as a maid and live with that German man (possibly my father who cared even less about me). Yesterday, when I had memories of being awake in the dark, unable to sleep, thinking where I'd like to go back, the only place that came to mind was my uncle's home. There I had some cousins and was really a home. But I couldn't find out what had become of them after the German occupation. Possibly I hadn't had news of them for years, so I had no place to go back. Anyway, I couldn't go back. I was alone in France with the German Army. My only option was to keep working as a nurse until win or lose.

I was sinking deeper and deeper in my depression, that's sure. Though this keeps being a hunch, I'm pretty sure I died around this time of the year, one of the reasons being Christmas was approaching and I didn't want to spend Christmas without my German boyfriend. But apart from that there was this rage inside me, this desire to stop doing what "they" wanted of me. I wrote this in my journal yesterday, right after the meditation:

"In that life, suicide was the only thing in which I had some power of decision, it seems. This is shit, I don't want to live this. I don't want to fight in this crappy war, I don't want you to decide for me what I have to do with my life. I don't want to meet the only man who showed some interest in me and lose him. Go everyone to Hell".

I think that "everyone" includes living people and also spiritual guides or whoever sent me to live that life.

And so, I quit.

I've stopped wondering what would have happened if I hadn't quit. People are quick to say other people there are always better options, as if they know the future. You see, I quit and probably spared myself lots of suffering. Though it's great to imagine myself as a lovely war veteran lady, it's likely I would have ended up raped by allied soldiers after D-Day and then killed or imprisoned. And then I was reborn as a German boy who loved to play with wooden airplanes. So, was it a right or wrong decision?

Thoughts keep coming. After a tough night (a real bitter watch, until I got asleep), I was surprised when my current partner arrived and told me I looked happy. Maybe a weight is being lifted after all, with all this past life work I’ve done in the last few years. I’ve never felt especially guilty for committing suicide in my WWII life, though I did wonder for a while how I could have done “something like that”. But I soon realized it’s not a crime, a sin, or anything that must be punished. It just happens. Sometimes you decide to do things you are not proud of, that can lead to a variety of consequences. Suicide is one of these things. But it’s not better or worse than other choices, because, every reincarnationist should know, death doesn’t exist. Death is not bad in itself. So, if I decide to kill myself, I’m not going against “any law” or whatever you want to invent to make me feel guilty. It’s my life. It was my choice to come. It’s my choice to leave. That’s all.

After that thread was deleted there was some talking about the convenience of saying publicly things like these I write in my blog. Couldn’t we be influencing another person’s decision and incline them towards suicide, in case they’re on the verge of doing it and we tell them nothing happens? Instead of this, I was thinking of those parents and relatives who unfortunately have a suicide victim in their family and are marked forever, as the rest of society think that’s a disgrace and the victim a sinner. The dead is dead, I doubt anything can affect them any longer. Those who still live not only have to endure the pain of the loss of a loved one in those circumstances, but also the ignorance of the people who judge.  

I speak mainly for them. For the living. I have no fear of speaking the Truth.

REST PEACEFULLY, BECAUSE A SUICIDE IS JUST A NORMAL DEATH.

NOTHING HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO COMMIT SUICIDE.

THERE WILL BE UNRESOLVED ISSUES, BUT THAT IS COMMON IN ALL TRAUMATIC DEATHS.

I can say it louder, but not clearer.

"Nothing happens" also means "nothing will change". Your issues won't disappear killing yourself.

And no, I don't encourage anyone to commit suicide. If you're thinking about it, SEEK HELP. Probably you will be luckier than me and will find it.

What happens to people who commit suicide?

[I rarely do this, to translate almost literally something I wrote for my Spanish blog, but I think the occasion deserves this treatment. Suicide is a matter that concerns everyone, and from what I have seen, only in a few places (the main one being Military Past Lives) you can talk about it without wasting your time and effort.

Original entry: ¿Qué pasa con los suicidas?]

A recent conversation in another forum (Child Past Lives) about suicide has made me reflect about this subject again, though I also suspect it’s a time of anniversaries and so this triggers certain inner feelings of rage and sadness I can’t avoid. On the other hand, the truth is I’m feeling a bit frustrated again. Besides my own publications and the book I have written (which is more than a little), I not only don’t see any serious advancement in regards to reincarnation (with the exception of some new forum members who do advance, a lot, at a personal level, which makes me proud and glad at the same time), I even notice a bit of a setback. Or at least that’s the impression I get when I watch certain lectures in certain “spiritual” conventions attended by people that are still very lost.

But, well, I’d better go back to my writing, and today it’s about suicide. I don’t know why this subject is so controversial, even among reincarnationists themselves. Well, I do know: because most of the time reincarnationists also base on their own beliefs instead of first-person experiences. Not all of those who remember past lives remember they committed suicide, and so it seems they treat us, “ex-suicide victims” or those who for some reason wonder about suicide, the same way they treat other people whom they consider they have to commiserate, like all of those who have been “very, very evil”, and then they wish you don’t suffer too much in this life, as undoubtedly they believe you’re going to suffer a lot as a consequence of having been very evil... In that conversation I mentioned above, someone said suicide could be a form of self-punishment for taking someone else’s life and they invited us to guess why Judas Iscariot committed suicide. I almost faint due to the nonsense of these words, thank goodness there are few things that surprise me at this point.

There is also another reason why in general talking about suicide is avoided, besides the fact that rummaging in the wound of those who lost the suicide victim implies to stir a very deep pain and nobody wants to do that. That reason is that if you say nothing happens when you kill yourself, it seems you’re promoting or glorifying suicide, and you’re encouraging everyone to do it. Well, I want to make myself clear I don’t promote or glorify suicide, nor do I encourage anyone to do it. Had I not done it in the past, perhaps I would have known facets of myself that remain hidden nowadays. Or perhaps I would have become a lovely old woman and today I would be telling my great-grandchildren what living through the Second World War meant. Possibly I could have made better decisions... or maybe not. We will never know that, as once we make a decision, we can’t go back and we have to bear the consequences (and, no, this does NOT mean karma exists). So, if I don’t know what would have become of me in my case, how could I know in the case of other people? The circumstances surrounding a suicide are always very different and no one has the right to judge. The important thing here is, whatever you do, it is your decision. You are responsible, and you will realize for yourself if what you did was right, cowardice, a desperate call for attention, a stupidity for abusing drugs or a direct consequence of the depression you were going through.

Anyway, I’m going to say it loud and clear, as is my style:

FOR COMMITTING SUICIDE NOTHING HAPPENS. 

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

This is to say:

No one is going to punish you in the afterlife.

You’re not going to Hell.

You’re not going to be forced to wander in the astral until all the time you had determined to live before incarnating has passed. (This doesn’t mean you’re not going to be a bit confused, in some cases, but this also happens to those who die by natural causes).

You’re not going to “repeat stories” until you learn whatever you came here to learn.

You don’t “break contracts” with anyone, among other things, because I doubt very much there are “binding contracts” in the spiritual world, though many want to sell us so many “soul plans”, “soul contracts” and many other unproved tales. Just an example: someone in that conversation said that in Robert Schwartz’s book Your Soul’s Plan it is said the actions of a person can influence the DNA and be passed down to their offspring. Fortunately this person doubted this was true, as anyone with a minimal knowledge of genetics (and especially if they remember past lives) knows that claiming this is a barbarity, even taking epigenetics into account, something that is starting to be mentioned quite frequently, but only a few really know how it works. Another person said, mainly based on the Michael Newton’s books he had read, that “the soul who committed suicide merely jumps back into another, similar life as soon as possible if not immediately”.  

Well, this is not what happened to me. I remember many lives very close together, but it has nothing to do with the manner in which I died. And after committing suicide in WWII, I reincarnated in West Germany, where I had a quite well-to-do life in which I was an industrial engineer and then I worked for the American Army. It wasn’t a similar life, in any way, to my former life. But I am not an exception. I also know many other people who also committed suicide in past lives, and you know what? None of them has had to repeat stories, nor have they been lost in the astral, nor do they know anything about contracts they made with other souls. Furthermore, currently they all are as happy as a lark. Even if there was something planned, we all have free will. If we wish, we ignore the plan, and that’s all. You can say this is not too considerate or sportsmanlike, that’s true, but if that’s our decision, nothing happens. The others will have to adapt to the changes and improvise. But no one said you will have to pay a price for coming back home before it was due, whatever the reason might be.

Now, will your loved ones suffer? Of course they will. The same way they would suffer if you had died for any other reason. So you will have to evaluate if making your loved ones suffer is worth. But in each case we would have to see who is more selfish, the one leaving because they don’t want to live anymore, or the one that forces someone who is suffering to stay because they don’t want to suffer. Are you going to resolve your problems killing yourself? Of course not. That is not a way to solve anything, it’s as if you quit an exam or leave your team in the middle of a match. You won’t feel great after killing yourself either, that’s true, especially if you killed yourself because you were suffering. Unresolved emotions will accompany you in the next life, and you will have to keep dealing with them. But that doesn’t happen only with suicide, it also happens with many other decisions you made that didn’t turn out as you expected. Sometimes we make mistakes and repent, but luckily we always have new opportunities to act accordingly to the way we consider more correct. Yes, things sometimes are complicated. But no one said living was going to be easy, didn’t they?

I was going to put the link to the thread I was speaking of, but I’ve just discovered it was deleted, so you see I was right when I said this is a controversial subject, and this when it was being very civilized and interesting. I can assure you that doesn’t happen in my own forum, where I like to go to the bottom of things and speak with rotundity.

More information:

Suicide (The Great Escape).

ADDITIONAL COMMENTARY (18-11-2015).

The truth is it’s very hard for me to understand why people find it so difficult to speak openly about such serious and important matters as this. I’ve been very disappointed this thread was deleted, many interesting things were being said and I didn’t feel it was going to turn problematic in any moment. However, I keep seeing it in the lectures I mentioned above. You go to a convention where they talk about life after death (in Spain) and the lecturer refuses to talk about reincarnation or suicide (some for fear of the Church’s reaction, at this point). It’s logical if you know nothing about it, but some reincarnationists do know, no matter who may disagree. It is not a belief, I’m not speaking of spiritualist doctrines that are no more than a religion. We’re speaking of experiences and facts, sometimes even with verified memories, and of very well known people of whom I can say anything out of respect for their anonymity. How much longer will silence prevail? How much longer this secrecy? How much longer the confusion and the eternal doubts? When will we become really free?

Is this blog useful?